Getting Lost the Easy Way

Just follow your Feet

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Guest Post: On the costs of talking about consent - Consent Culture

"So, for me, the cost of talking about consent is pretty freaking high. Why do I keep doing it then? Well, Audre Lorde said, “your silence will not protect you” –I’ve been guarding the boundaries of my person from folks who felt they had the right to lay their hands on me for as long as I’ve had consciousness as a human being."

This woman does such a good job talking about this that I am so happy and yet so sad (happy because people are speaking out, sad because her satire rings too true).  I just want to give her a hug.  A consensual one. 

Filed under survivor advocacy awareness consent realtalk

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Guest Post: On the costs of talking about consent - Consent Culture

"You know what else it costs to write about and talk about consent? I’m going to be super real with y’all. It has cost me the vast majority of my relationships with men. Not all at once, but eventually, over time, one by one. It was one sexist joke too many, it was one boundary-crossing-creep-defender over the line. It was the constant microaggressions or the combination of being privileged and defensive about it and unable or unwilling to do any better. Most grew weary of arguing about feminist issues, or about the fact that I wouldn’t let them just win those arguments, even though they usually had no idea what they were talking about. They couldn’t deal with the fact that I won’t allow anyone to say disparaging shit to and about me and mine. Or they won’t or can’t do better after I explain how to do better many many times and finally I have to peace out on them for my own safety. I have at present a tiny handful of guy friends. One I get into arguments with nearly every time we talk. I fear that relationship may go the way of most of my past relationships with subtly sexist men- away, that is to say. Which is really too fucking bad. Because the truth is, I don’t hate men- I hate male privilege. I really like men, shit, I love them actually, some of them. I miss having men friends, but not enough to let the mild misogyny slide. I have got to take care of me and mine. That’s where we clash, because I refuse to just smooth things over, to just let things go. They’re accustomed to deference and I’ve taught myself to drop that habit as best I can.” This is something I notice happen to women after they start reading my FB page. Its so hard to swallow the gaslight-pill men try to shove down your throat every time you open your mouth. And I’ve noticed, over and over again, women who wake up to this stuff, their boyfriends sometimes get really uncomfortable. They call their girlfriends’ feminist friends rude or hostile. Because they know feminism is the end of the status quo for them. I’ve never seen a woman go back to the way she was before. Once you know something how can you unknow it?”

Filed under consent sex awareness

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Up From Pain by Charles M. Blow


"I would come to know what the world called people like me: bisexuals. The hated ones. The bastard breed. The “tragic mulattos” of sexual identity. Dishonest and dishonorable. Scandal-prone and disease-ridden. Nothing nice.

And while the word “bisexual” was technically correct, I would only slowly come to use it to refer to myself, in part because of the derisive connotations. But, in addition, it would seem to me woefully inadequate and impressionistically inaccurate. It reduced a range of identities, unbelievably wide and splendidly varied, in which same-gender attraction presented itself in graduated measures, from a pinch to a pound, to a single expression. To me it seemed too narrowly drawn in the collective consciousness, suggesting an identity fixed precisely in the middle between straight and gay, giving equal weight to each, bearing no resemblance to what I felt.”

REALLY fantastic essay on Bisexuality.  Really personal and brave, and his memoir is now on my ever-expanding reading list.

*rape trigger warning at the beginning

His observations are so so true and are really the tip of a much larger discussion we need to be having.

Filed under bisexual awareness bisexuality visibility activism lopsided sexuality

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In order to stave off the nervousness of my show not being fully installed (3 day count down!) and me not being able to do anything about it, I tried taking pictures with my cat. Which was awkward. Hence the awkward face in the last photo (but look how cute my hair is!)

Filed under cats catproblems lesbianhair